February 25, 2015
After a couple of months of trying not to think about it’s finally here – the end of Orange Wednesdays. From next Wednesday, cinema lobbies will be left forlorn in the middle of the week as we all decide to do something else with our time. Not only that of course, the 2 for 1 Pizza is gone too. Now you’ll actually have to talk to your partner on Wednesday evenings rather than watching another lacklustre Hollywood production, smiling politely as Kevin Bacon wisecracks about British culture, the fear in his eyes plain for all to see as he hopes that the advertisers aren’t playing a cruel trick on him.
Or you could invite some entertainment into your home instead. These replacements will surely improve your typical Wednesday evening.
Baron von Grindle
Who can forget your first Orange Wednesdays experience with your horror-loving other half? Maybe it was Van Helsing or Underworld? Ah, memories. The films were average but the relationship that blossomed certainly wasn’t! Relive those first, tender moments by hiring Baron von Grindle to hang from the ceiling of your lounge. He awakens when someone gets too close t him so be very careful when bringing in the evening cuppa.
The Balanas Sisters
If you’re looking for something a little more romantic than a human hanging bat, relaxing into the sofa whilst live classical music plays from the corner of the room will definitely get you into your partner's good books. Hell, you’ll find yourself wondering why you ever used Orange Wednesdays in the first place to watch that awful musical, Nine. A superb violin and cello duo, The Balanas Sisters are a far better version of ‘2 for the Price of 1’.
Sure, you could go and see a survival film at the cinema (or try and survive through Fifty Shades of Grey) and pay full price for two people on your Wednesday evening. But why do that when you can pay full price for one person and chat back and forth with Ray Mears over a cheesecake from the comfort of your dining room instead? Remind me why you’re mourning the loss of Orange Wednesdays again? This experience will surely get more of a rise out of your colleague than a remark about the price of popcorn and Ray can no doubt help you cut down on your food bill.
Perhaps it was never about the cinema for you. Perhaps it was more about the ‘Orange’ of Orange Wednesdays. You’ll miss that colour. It’s going, going, gone. Or is it? Fear not, for when walking about your house on Wednesday evening, you may find the Ribbon Dancers meeting and greeting your partner as they walk from the kitchen to the study. Presenting a stunning display, all memories of that failed pitch will fade away by the end of a sparkling performance. Failing that, turn out the lights and enjoy Nee-on. Cameras at the ready! (Because yes, they are allowed within your very own personal auditorium.)
Think back to those warm summer evenings where you chose to use an Orange Wednesdays code and see the latest Transformers film instead of enjoying the luxurious weather. Can you recall the anger when it then rained for the next couple of weeks as Wimbledon fortnight reared its ugly head? You can, can’t you? So don’t stay in! Head outside to your garden and marvel as Spark Fire do their thing. This is the perfect way to continue to enjoy orange on a Wednesday. Maybe let the neighbour know before they start though. The sound of fire engines may take away from the performance.
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By Henry Fosdike