Acts fit for a (future) King

May 05, 2015

Yes, yes, yes. Everybody is talking about the new Royal Baby, Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. But poor Prince George will be left out. Unaware what all the fuss is about as he struggles to get some sleep in the nights ahead. If only he had someone to talk to, who could wish his (admittedly fairly limited) troubles away. Well don’t worry William and Kate – thanks for reading by the way – for we have got your back.

Jennie Bond

 Who better than the former Royal correspondent? George can stay up in his crib – if he’s still in one – and chat with Jennie Bond as she dispenses advice on how best to behave as a Prince. She can tell him about William and Harry and all the other things that he can look forward to in the years ahead. Perhaps what it's like to be a sister and being forced to attend her birthday parties. Jennie will no doubt pass on a couple of witty anecdotes as well. But don’t be too jealous of Prince George for you too can hear Jennie talk should you so wish as she’s a big hit on the events circuit for many private events.

Jamie Raven

 He’s performed for young George’s great grandmother so why not Prince George himself? Riding high on a wave of publicity thanks to his appearance on Britain’s Got Talent, top magician Jamie Raven will probably rather enjoy a bit of time away from the spotlight to impress the Prince with his magic repertoire. If Prince George is lucky, he may even sign a photo of himself and/or Alesha Dixon as well. Who wouldn’t want that?


 Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana (as she should henceforth always be called) may have to wait a year or so to really appreciate the creations that Balloonatic can conjure up. But Prince George need not wait at all. A balloon throne, perhaps? A Balloon crown? A balloon corgi? So much choice! Balloonatic can tailor their latex inflatable into pretty much any theme you choose so there’s more than enough her to keep George happy whilst his parents field yet another press enquiry about his sibling.

Living Topiary

 Sure, the Royal grounds are nice but what if they could come to life like Living Topiary? Wouldn’t that just be the best? Like something from the Secret Garden or Alice in Wonderland, these human-shaped hedges are actually hedge-shaped humans and come to life before your eyes! They could wander about the various palaces and generally make life a little more fun for the future King and his sister. Who wouldn’t want that?


 This may amaze or may simply put young Prince George to sleep, such is its hypnotic pattern. Whilst the Royal Baby – which should be a moniker that sticks for life – gets some much needed rest, Prince George can gaze in wonder at the bright lights in his room as the Kaleidoscope light jugglers work their magic. The batons they use can even be pre-programmed with text or graphics so perhaps the media can supply Kaleidoscope and accompany them with a nice message to say that he hasn’t been forgotten might be nice as we really don’t want a Game of Thrones situation...




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By Henry Fosdike