Classic Donít Tell the Bride Weddings

July 08, 2015

We all love weddings. Who doesn’t? The breakfast, the ceremony, the drinks, the dinner, the reception, the dancing... To be honest, there’s a whole lot to love! Of course the actual planning isn’t quite so carefree and more often than not runs into a number of difficulties along the way. Nothing encapsulates this more than the BBC’s Don’t Tell the Bride, which has just returned to screens and we’d celebrate this return by recalling some of our favourite ‘just what were they thinking?’ moments.

The One Under Water

"I don't even have a quid for the locker..."...Yes. It all seems so romantic on paper. Lovebirds Ian and Hayley met at work, which happens to be the local leisure centre. Wanting to recapture that wonderful moment, Ian decides that it makes perfect sense to actually get hitched underwater in the deep end of the pool. Watch in horror as poor Hayley realises her fiancé hasn’t quite thought this through as she ruins her makeup, hair and dress by jumping in. And Ian’s new mother-in-law is none too happy at sitting on the sidelines, staring at the water, well aware that vows are being exchanged beneath the surface, out of view. Nice one, Ian!

The One in Las Vegas

"I can't work out where I've gone wrong."There’s something to be said for a man who bets one of the biggest days of his life on red or black. Simon does exactly that, ultimately deciding that a good way to spend his budget of £12,000 is by flying to Las Vegas and paying for a small portion of family and friends to fly out for the wedding as well. His fiancée Kaleigh unsurprisingly disagrees, at one point exclaiming that the engagement is off and that she won’t be flying. A quick phone call later and all is (sort of) forgiven, with the family ‘enjoying’ the day... Minus Kaleigh’s brother who couldn’t be paid for.

The One in New York

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I marrying a fool?"This is probably my own personal favourite because of the way the entire wedding comes about. Juan is put in charge of organising his wedding to Alice and her favourite book just happens to be Alice in Wonderland. In fact, she’s got her heart set on one day visiting the statues of the characters in New York’s Central Park. Without thinking too much about it, Juan decides to fly out there with his best man, fully intending to get married next in front of this wonderful park display... Until he sees them in person for the first time and declares them ‘a bit tacky’. Still, having committed to his plan he then sets about seeing what else New York has to offer, leading to a whole host of enjoyable moments including ordering a wedding dress from a thrift store catalogue and housing his fiancée and her friends in a drug den. Ah, romance.

The One with the Island

"Psych! We aren't actually married."This wedding features as a wonderful parable for us all. When it comes to your wedding, research, research, research. For a reason known only to himself, David has his heart set on getting married to Rosie on the Isle of Lundy, a place she once nearly drowned, leaving her with a phobia of water for life. Things go from bad to worse for David when he discovers you have to be a resident of the island for seven days to get married there. Ignoring the fact that you only have three weeks to plan the entire wedding on Don’t Tell the Bride, David triumphantly completes the seven days before discovering both partners have to spend seven days there before the wedding. Ah. With everything already paid for, the duo end up enjoying a fake wedding with their family and friends before confirming everything at the registry office the next day. Fair enough then.

The One with the Skydive

"I have made a horrible mistake."To be honest, this could just as easily be ‘the one at Thorpe Park’ because the exact same stupidity applies. So a quick shout out to Steven and Kaleigh for that. But no, we have picked the rather brilliant moment from John and Jackie’s episode in the same series where John ensures that his wife-to-be has put on the perfect dress and carefully travelled to the venue, only to surprise her by having her complete a skydive with the maid of honour first. Luckily for John, she enjoys the experience and after a redo of her makeup and hair, all continues smoothly. Perfect.

Of course, not all fiancés are horrendously awful in putting on the wedding of their fiancée’s dreams...

The One with Jane Austen

"I am going to nail this."Okay, not actually Jane Austen as that would have probably hit the 10 O’Clock News if that were possible. No, this is the wedding from hopeless romantic David, who is well aware that his future wife Lucy adores Pride and Prejudice and sets out to do all he can to make her feel as though she is Elizabeth Bennett for the day. The first thing he does is marathon the BBC boxset with his best man, learns a dance from the time, ensures that everybody will be dressed in period-style clothing and doesn’t really put a foot wrong throughout. A perfect example of what could be achieved if most of the men appearing on the programme not completely moronic.

Err... With that being said, if you are appearing on the programme and are looking for some great entertainment then feel free to get in touch with your late booking!




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By Henry Fosdike